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Ahh.... new information! A new lorebook to find.
__NOTOC__
{{Lorebooks infobox
| title = The Sage's Lectern, Vol 1
| lochint= Found in Monster Loot
| category= Gods
| area= ???
| visibility= Hidden Until Found
}}
[[The Sage's Lectern, Vol 1]] is a [[Lorebook]] found on deceased monsters.
== Content ==
[[The Sage's Lectern, Vol 1]]... Welcome to the first installment of The Sage's Lectern. I'm Reginald the Pretty Good Mage -- formerly known as Reginald the Archmage, but that's a separate topic. Some volumes will be travelogues, while others, such as this one, will be interviews. For this first volume I've arranged something very special: an interview with [[Ormorek]], God of Bitterness!
I should disclose that I paid for this interview, and it was not cheap: [[Ormorek]] would only give an interview if I agreed to replace the roof of his favorite bar. When I agreed to this price, I did not realize the roof was made of one incredibly thick piece of stone. Since it is in [[New Aufghel]]'s historical district, the bar's appearance could not be changed, so I needed to have a new roof delivered. Needless to say it cost quite a bit of money. But I'm sure I'll eventually make the millions of Councils back on the long-tail sales of this epic interview! (That's a writer's joke.) So without further ado:
=====Interview with Ormorek=====
I entered the bar and took the stairs to the upper floor. [[The Bloated Pony]] looks like a typical dwarven neighborhood bar but it's located in the business district, pretty far from any homes. The regulars range from businessdwarves and moneylenders to simple cleaners and mechanists -- all the people who work in the area. To my human eyes it looks like a collection of dwarven stereotypes.
[[Ormorek]] sat at the bar, his very short beard the only thing that distinguished him from a dozen other gnarled old dwarves. A bouncer stood nearby, always watching. Ormorek does not like tourists, fans, lookie-loos, or frankly anyone at all. But he seemed well-liked by the regulars here. I sat down at the bar next to him in a spot he'd kept open for me.
[[Ormorek]]: you're back. So you've agreed to my price?
[[Reginald]]: yes... I suppose so. Assuming this interview has some revealing pieces of knowledge, you've got a deal.
[[Ormorek]]: Good. I owe Wilker a favor, and you're delivering it. If we don't get a new roof soon, the safety fines will put this place out of business. (Here I looked up at the ceiling in concern.) Oh, don't be a twat. This roof could last for years to come, but it's not earthquake-proof anymore. Unless there's an earthquake, you'll be fine. So go ahead, let's get this over with. Wilker, pour him a beer.
(Wilker One-Tooth, the bartender and owner, poured me a tall glass of the only beer on tap. I found it incredibly bitter and alcoholic.)
[[Reginald]]: Wow... that's bitter. And after the first sip hits you, the aftertaste is a whole new kind of bitter!
[[Ormorek]]: It's why I drink here.
[[Reginald]]: Okay. So my first question is, how did you go from being God of Dwarves to --
[[Ormorek]]: -- no questions about how I ended up the god of shite! Have some respect!
[[Reginald]]: Oh. Uh. (I leafed through my notes. Most of my questions were about that very topic.) Well, can you give me the scoop on other gods?
(Ormorek sighed, nodded, and downed his beer.)
[[Reginald]]: Tell me about [[Harukita]]. He's the leader of the [[Chalice Gods]], right? Can you give me some insights on him?
[[Ormorek]]: He's a dick. He wants to literally destroy this entire world. What else is there to know?
[[Reginald]]: He's the god of Hate, but I've heard he can be friendly at times. I guess I just don't understand him.
[[Ormorek]]: He's never fucking friendly! It's you daft humans spreading that idiocy! Just because a god says hello and doesn't smite you dead, that doesn't mean he's your friend!
[[Reginald]]: Well, I mean Necromancers of all races have been known to --
[[Ormorek]]: He's a dick sandwich. Next question.
[[Reginald]]: How about his brother [[Kajich]]?
[[Ormorek]]: Another dick. (Ormorek sighed again, collected his thoughts, and signaled for another beer.) Look. This goes for [[Harukita]] and [[Kajich]] both: if a god's avatar is a skeleton, he's a dick! Why ya think they look like that? They're screamin' "Hey, I'm a huge twat! You should stay away from me!" And before you ask, the third brother's a dick too. But ... not quite as bad, I guess.
[[Reginald]]: You're referring to [[Tuvillus]]? He's interesting because of his dual nature: his Jealousy aspect is an incredibly beautiful elven man, and his Greed aspect is this huge, bloated...
[[Ormorek]]: Those are just his two Avatars. He's got two different-lookin' physical bodies but it's the same arsehole inside each of 'em!
[[Reginald]]: Fair enough. You said [[Tuvillus]] isn't quite as bad as his brothers. Can you help me understand why?
[[Ormorek]]: He and [[Ilth Hale]] at least take care of their... their creations.
[[Reginald]]: You mean vampires.
[[Ormorek]]: Among other things. Look, I don't want to talk about Chalice anymore. What else you got?
[[Reginald]]: Um... Hm. (That wiped out the rest of my prepared questions.) Look, I just need a scoop! Something new, something mortals don't know yet. What can you share with my readers?
[[Ormorek]]: A scoop? Life is stupid, and you should give up. There, that's all the wisdom mortals need. This was a dumb idea. Just get outta here.
[[Reginald]]: But our deal...
[[Ormorek]]: Deal's off!
(The bartender tried to interject.)
Wilker: But I can't stay open even another month! We need to start the repairs...
[[Ormorek]]: I don't care. Not doin' this. Get the fuck outta here, human! Go! I can still smite people, ya know!
(The bouncer was behind me in an instant, her meaty hands on my shoulders. I sighed and let myself be escorted out. But as I was leaving, an old dwarf caught my eye and nodded cryptically. I waited outside the bar, and sure enough, after a few minutes he stepped out. As I soon learned, his name was [[Rulgirt]].)
[[Rulgirt]]: You are a terrible interviewer. You still want that "scoop" of knowledge?
[[Reginald]]: Yes.
[[Rulgirt]]: If I get you a scoopful, will you honor your deal with [[Ormorek]]?
[[Reginald]]: Okay. Sure. If it's new knowledge worth printing, I'll pay for the bar repairs.
Rulgirt: Then take this. Stay up til midnight, then drink it. Be lyin' down when you do, you'll be asleep fast. You want to find me in your dreams, right?
[[Reginald]]: Um, what?
[[Rulgirt]]: Say yes.
[[Reginald]]: Yes?
[[Rulgirt]]: I want to find you, too. So it's a pact, then, human. I'll see you tonight.
([[Rulgirt]] nodded curtly, then shuffled back into the bar, leaving me with a vial of blue liquid.)
Stay tuned for the next issue, in which I actually get my scoop!
== Related Lore == <!-- List related Lorebooks, NPCs, locations, or other Lore. -->
; Lore or Lorebook title
: Brief description of connection.
[[Category:Lorebook]][[Category:Register of Lore]]
{{Lorebooks infobox
| title = The Sage's Lectern, Vol 1
| lochint= Found in Monster Loot
| category= Gods
| area= ???
| visibility= Hidden Until Found
}}
[[The Sage's Lectern, Vol 1]] is a [[Lorebook]] found on deceased monsters.
== Content ==
[[The Sage's Lectern, Vol 1]]... Welcome to the first installment of The Sage's Lectern. I'm Reginald the Pretty Good Mage -- formerly known as Reginald the Archmage, but that's a separate topic. Some volumes will be travelogues, while others, such as this one, will be interviews. For this first volume I've arranged something very special: an interview with [[Ormorek]], God of Bitterness!
I should disclose that I paid for this interview, and it was not cheap: [[Ormorek]] would only give an interview if I agreed to replace the roof of his favorite bar. When I agreed to this price, I did not realize the roof was made of one incredibly thick piece of stone. Since it is in [[New Aufghel]]'s historical district, the bar's appearance could not be changed, so I needed to have a new roof delivered. Needless to say it cost quite a bit of money. But I'm sure I'll eventually make the millions of Councils back on the long-tail sales of this epic interview! (That's a writer's joke.) So without further ado:
=====Interview with Ormorek=====
I entered the bar and took the stairs to the upper floor. [[The Bloated Pony]] looks like a typical dwarven neighborhood bar but it's located in the business district, pretty far from any homes. The regulars range from businessdwarves and moneylenders to simple cleaners and mechanists -- all the people who work in the area. To my human eyes it looks like a collection of dwarven stereotypes.
[[Ormorek]] sat at the bar, his very short beard the only thing that distinguished him from a dozen other gnarled old dwarves. A bouncer stood nearby, always watching. Ormorek does not like tourists, fans, lookie-loos, or frankly anyone at all. But he seemed well-liked by the regulars here. I sat down at the bar next to him in a spot he'd kept open for me.
[[Ormorek]]: you're back. So you've agreed to my price?
[[Reginald]]: yes... I suppose so. Assuming this interview has some revealing pieces of knowledge, you've got a deal.
[[Ormorek]]: Good. I owe Wilker a favor, and you're delivering it. If we don't get a new roof soon, the safety fines will put this place out of business. (Here I looked up at the ceiling in concern.) Oh, don't be a twat. This roof could last for years to come, but it's not earthquake-proof anymore. Unless there's an earthquake, you'll be fine. So go ahead, let's get this over with. Wilker, pour him a beer.
(Wilker One-Tooth, the bartender and owner, poured me a tall glass of the only beer on tap. I found it incredibly bitter and alcoholic.)
[[Reginald]]: Wow... that's bitter. And after the first sip hits you, the aftertaste is a whole new kind of bitter!
[[Ormorek]]: It's why I drink here.
[[Reginald]]: Okay. So my first question is, how did you go from being God of Dwarves to --
[[Ormorek]]: -- no questions about how I ended up the god of shite! Have some respect!
[[Reginald]]: Oh. Uh. (I leafed through my notes. Most of my questions were about that very topic.) Well, can you give me the scoop on other gods?
(Ormorek sighed, nodded, and downed his beer.)
[[Reginald]]: Tell me about [[Harukita]]. He's the leader of the [[Chalice Gods]], right? Can you give me some insights on him?
[[Ormorek]]: He's a dick. He wants to literally destroy this entire world. What else is there to know?
[[Reginald]]: He's the god of Hate, but I've heard he can be friendly at times. I guess I just don't understand him.
[[Ormorek]]: He's never fucking friendly! It's you daft humans spreading that idiocy! Just because a god says hello and doesn't smite you dead, that doesn't mean he's your friend!
[[Reginald]]: Well, I mean Necromancers of all races have been known to --
[[Ormorek]]: He's a dick sandwich. Next question.
[[Reginald]]: How about his brother [[Kajich]]?
[[Ormorek]]: Another dick. (Ormorek sighed again, collected his thoughts, and signaled for another beer.) Look. This goes for [[Harukita]] and [[Kajich]] both: if a god's avatar is a skeleton, he's a dick! Why ya think they look like that? They're screamin' "Hey, I'm a huge twat! You should stay away from me!" And before you ask, the third brother's a dick too. But ... not quite as bad, I guess.
[[Reginald]]: You're referring to [[Tuvillus]]? He's interesting because of his dual nature: his Jealousy aspect is an incredibly beautiful elven man, and his Greed aspect is this huge, bloated...
[[Ormorek]]: Those are just his two Avatars. He's got two different-lookin' physical bodies but it's the same arsehole inside each of 'em!
[[Reginald]]: Fair enough. You said [[Tuvillus]] isn't quite as bad as his brothers. Can you help me understand why?
[[Ormorek]]: He and [[Ilth Hale]] at least take care of their... their creations.
[[Reginald]]: You mean vampires.
[[Ormorek]]: Among other things. Look, I don't want to talk about Chalice anymore. What else you got?
[[Reginald]]: Um... Hm. (That wiped out the rest of my prepared questions.) Look, I just need a scoop! Something new, something mortals don't know yet. What can you share with my readers?
[[Ormorek]]: A scoop? Life is stupid, and you should give up. There, that's all the wisdom mortals need. This was a dumb idea. Just get outta here.
[[Reginald]]: But our deal...
[[Ormorek]]: Deal's off!
(The bartender tried to interject.)
Wilker: But I can't stay open even another month! We need to start the repairs...
[[Ormorek]]: I don't care. Not doin' this. Get the fuck outta here, human! Go! I can still smite people, ya know!
(The bouncer was behind me in an instant, her meaty hands on my shoulders. I sighed and let myself be escorted out. But as I was leaving, an old dwarf caught my eye and nodded cryptically. I waited outside the bar, and sure enough, after a few minutes he stepped out. As I soon learned, his name was [[Rulgirt]].)
[[Rulgirt]]: You are a terrible interviewer. You still want that "scoop" of knowledge?
[[Reginald]]: Yes.
[[Rulgirt]]: If I get you a scoopful, will you honor your deal with [[Ormorek]]?
[[Reginald]]: Okay. Sure. If it's new knowledge worth printing, I'll pay for the bar repairs.
Rulgirt: Then take this. Stay up til midnight, then drink it. Be lyin' down when you do, you'll be asleep fast. You want to find me in your dreams, right?
[[Reginald]]: Um, what?
[[Rulgirt]]: Say yes.
[[Reginald]]: Yes?
[[Rulgirt]]: I want to find you, too. So it's a pact, then, human. I'll see you tonight.
([[Rulgirt]] nodded curtly, then shuffled back into the bar, leaving me with a vial of blue liquid.)
Stay tuned for the next issue, in which I actually get my scoop!
== Related Lore == <!-- List related Lorebooks, NPCs, locations, or other Lore. -->
; Lore or Lorebook title
: Brief description of connection.
[[Category:Lorebook]][[Category:Register of Lore]]