Difference between revisions of "Jake the Buckler's Story"

Latest revision as of 20:42, 23 March 2016

This story is relayed by Jake the Buckler upon completion of his Hang Out "Trade badass warrior stories."

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Jake the Buckler said, That's a great story! Man, I don't know if I can top your amnesia island story, but I'll give it a shot.

One time I was fighting this wizard-priest right? I was pretty young than and my catch phrase was "I AM IMMORTAL!" So this priest hears my catch phrase and his eyes grow wide and he says some angry words right as I pound his skull in. Next thing I know, I'm surrounded by rose petals swirling all around, and I go flying into the sky.

This scary voice says "YOU DARE DEFY DEATH? THEN TASTE WHAT YOUR HUBRIS HAS WROUGHT!" Something like that. And then, no shit, I was sent to some sort of hell dimension where nobody ages.

I was in there for, oh, 3000 years, maybe? Something like that. Met a lot of fun people. But mostly that time is a blur and I can barely remember anything. I don't think my brain was working right in there. Anyway, one day I found this huge bell floating in limbo and I hit it with my hammer, and apparently I destroyed the entire prison dimension and reappeared here!

A lot of the gods are different now and I guess they'd don't fuck with people as much anymore, ore at least not so directly. Which is nice.

Oh yeah: I had to learn a new language, because my old homeland had been wiped off the map. And of course everybody I'd ever known was dead, which was pretty depressing. But besides that it's been mostly the same: hitting shit until it dies, making buckles, getting drunk. Oh, also I don't seem to age anymore, which is pretty great. Okay, your turn for a story!

— Jake the Buckler