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→Conversations: Added Hemmit's jokes.
The woman says, "Well, he wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
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{{Quote|source=[[Hemmit Magmagrip]]|
So this crazed human kidnaps two distinguished dwarven mycologists and says "I'm going to become famous by killing one of you! Which will it be?"
The dwarves both say they have important research left to do. So the crazy human says, "Fine. You each get two minutes to explain why I shouldn't kill you." The first mycologist explains how his work on fungal taxonomy is improving the world. He goes all out, talking about medical benefits, the number of people he can save with his improved schema, everything he can think of. The crazy human stops him and says, "Okay, your time's up. Next dwarf!"
The other mycologist says "Let me spend two minutes explaining why yeast genetics is an important research area..." but he was interrupted by the first mycologist who shouted "Kill me! Kill me!"
Ha ha, I love that one! But the idea that dwarven society would hold mycologists in high esteem is really the punchline. On a meta-level. It's one of those laugh-instead-of-crying jokes.
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{{Quote|source=[[Hemmit Magmagrip]]|
So this elf comes to the farmer's market and he runs up to the vegetable stand. "I need a mushroom right away!" he shouts. The dwarven farmer says "Sorry, I'm sold out. Come back next week."
The elf leaves dejected, but a couple hours later he's right back. "Come on, dwarf, it's a kinky sex thing. I really gotta have a mushroom!" And the dwarf calmly explains there's no mushrooms. The elf leaves.
Right about closing time the elf runs back to the stand. "PLEASE, dwarf, give me a mushroom!"
The dwarf signs. "Look, elf, if you answer a couple questions for me I'll give you a mushroom. First spell 'cat,' like in 'cataclysm.'" The elf spells C-A-T.
"Now spell pig, like in 'pigmentation.'" The elf spells P-I-G.
"Great. Now spell fuck, like in 'mushrooms.'" The elf looks confused. "There's no 'fuck' in mushrooms."
The dwarf smacks the elf with his hat and shouts "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING ALL FUCKING DAY!"
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[[Category:NPCs]][[Category:New Prestonbule Cave NPCs]][[Category:Dwarf]][[Category:Skill Trainer]][[Category:Gazluk NPCs]]
